My Joy Is Contagious Make Sure You Catch It!

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Monday, January 9, 2012

Journal Entry 09 Januaru 2012

2011 will arguably go down in history as one of the most chaotic years ever.  I don’t know when I’ve seen more natural disasters, crimes against children, selfishness, greed, perversion, and just an utter collapse of morals and common decency.  I’m not sure how everyone else fared, but I managed to come out quite unscathed, save a few minor personal skirmishes.  Last January I lost one of my closest friends. I still cannot believe she’s gone, but when I am reminded of all the heartache, strife, confusion and suffering down here, there’s an overwhelming sense of closure.  I had more than a few days though where I felt unsure, restless, and dispirited. There were days I didn’t feel as close to you as I should, but still I can’t think of a moment Lord when you weren’t there. 

What will 2012 bring?  Well, I honestly don’t know which is why I’ve been fasting since New Year’s Eve.  Lord, I need answers, and the answers I need have not come from simply going through religious motions and routines. Fasting is a lifestyle. It is worship, it is a spiritual discipline, and it is putting things back in Godly order.  2011 brought with it a lot of chaos in my life, and most of it went undetected to the natural eye.  With everything that’s within me, I truly believe 2012 is going to be a stellar year for me.  Already I can feel my spiritual equilibrium balancing itself out.  Already I feel the toxins leaving my body. Already I’m hearing you speak to me.  Already I’m sensing you doing a new thing in me.   I have asked you Lord to reveal yourself to me in fresh and exciting ways.  I’ve asked you to rekindle my fire, my passion and my zeal for you.  I’ve asked you to move on behalf of my friends, my family, strangers, and even my enemies. 

That’s right enemies!  It smiles in my face, it is my friend on Facebook, and it even follows my every check in on Foursquare. Sometimes these things puzzle me, but then I remember a famous line from The Godfather “Never hate your enemy because it affects your judgment”.  My enemies are closer than I would like, but there must be some purpose for it.  So I study them carefully. I listen to their lies, I watch it as it rolls its eyes at me, I make note every time it tells me it doesn’t like me behind a smile, I watch it pretend to serve your people, I watch it as tries to be seen by all the “right” people. I watch it as it questions why I’m being used.  The enemy is a sneaky little rascal, especially the kind that attends church.  I have a few “known” enemies like this Lord.  You know, the kind of enemy that serves right alongside me in church every week knowing all the while that it hates me.  It is really quite amusing to watch people go out of their way to disguise their dislike of people they don’t even know.  You know me Lord, I cannot tolerate false humility, brownnosing, and counterfeits in church.  Lord, I am asking for your protection where the enemy has placed a carefully hidden plot. Thank you for spiritual discernment and for exposing the enemy.  

Already I sense a shift, already I see you moving mightily in my life.  Too often I think we miss what you have for us because we are only looking for those BIG miracles, you know, the kind that sparkle, the kind that everybody can see, the kind that people just have to notice.  Lord, I don’t mind the small miracles you know, the kind I used to overlook.  I never used to think of how getting older was a blessing until you started calling my friends home.  I will turn 41 year. Lord, I don’t want to just get older. I want to get wiser. I want to get better.  I want to live.  There are some places I’d still like to go. There are some things I would still like to do.  There is the book I need to finish. There is the song still need to sing.  None of this can happen without you.  2011 may have been muddled with turmoil, but I made it!  If I had to a chance to live my life all over again, I would want to meet you in the exact same place. I trust you Lord in 2012 as I did in 2011, and when I trust you, worry doesn’t have much flexibility.

Amazed By Your Grace!