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My Joy Is Contagious Make Sure You Catch It!

I always tell people that any day above ground is a good day! I hope your day is wonderful and blessed! Feel free to share your thoughts!
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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Show God Where It Hurts

My pillows lately are nothing more than reservoirs for tears I have still yet to cry. My heart needs a fresh coat of joy the same way an old fence needs paint. 2012 can best be described as the year that consistently kicked me in the gut. I don’t think there was one month where I didn’t throw something, curse, or cry. All I’m trying to do now is get through the last few days unscathed. Can I do it? I sincerely hope so. Today as I type, my mind is being assaulted with rebroadcasts of footage from what I consider to be one of the most difficult years of my life. A part of me looks eagerly to the New Year and all the promise it brings. Then there is another part of me staging a silent protest against the upcoming changes I will be forced to make in order to see those promises. For the past several weeks I’ve warred between these two opposing factions in my brain. Surrender looms on the horizon.
I gasp as vacant questioning eyes stained red from bouts of crying stare back at me in the mirror. My clothes don’t fit because my appetite has been on vacation for weeks now, and the unsuspecting public has no idea my smile is often forced and obligatory in nature. My heart runs on low power to conserve the energy I will need to operate in self-preservation mode. It’s not the mirror I have problems with it’s the “ME” standing in front of it. I know if I look deep within, I will find that there is more to me than meets the eye, and certainly more than makeup can cover. Every day of 2012 stretches out before me like carpet. Every spill, every mishap, every stain, everything I’ve stepped in good and bad leaves indelible footprints across it. As the footage plays, I see everything in hindsight. I see the minutes I should’ve fought harder. I see the hours I could’ve surrendered sooner. I see the weeks I should’ve been stronger. I see the days I could’ve been weaker. The floodgates are now open and I relent as the onslaught of tears trickle down my face. I wonder what I missed when I stepped out of God’s will. I think about how I embarrassed heaven with ungodly words, thoughts, actions, and deeds. I think about how our lives can and do give testament to what we preach verses what we really practice. I think about how all of it one day will eventually work for my good. I think about the angels processing all of my pain and how they are being severely overworked. I wonder if these angels have it in them to stay and not leave like so many others.
Last night I was unable to sleep and I took that opportunity to talk to the Lord. I took that moment to expose old wounds and fresh scars. In essence, I showed Him all the places life hurt me in 2012. I wonder if maybe I am in too much of a rush to erase unkind people, unfamiliar places, and unfulfilled promises from my memory. I’m eager to press delete thinking somehow it will obliterate everything that’s wrong. Everyday wasn’t bad so what do I do with those same people, places, and promises? What do I do with the good days? God assures me the answers are forthcoming. Today In woke up feeling a bit better. I checked my schedule and I saw that I have quite a few openings for “Ugly Cry Time” available. God told me to take the time and let my tears wash away all the debris of 2012. You would be hard pressed to find anything that feels better than a touch from God. Last night I showed God where it hurts, and He touched me there!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I'm Still Breathing!

aaa 

Today I heard a song that helped me “get back up” so to speak.  It was “I’m Still Breathing” by Toni Braxton. I’ve had this album forever, but instead of listening to the same 4 tracks, I played them all.  When I heard this song, I exhaled deeply.  As I type this blog entry, it’s still on repeat. The lyrics are washing over me, reminding me that I am yet alive.  The vigor in which I normally approach life has been markedly absent, and if I had to pick one thing that has suffered from my neglect, it would be my writing.  Writer’s block is usually my go to excuse when I can’t put pen to paper, but writer’s block would not be the scapegoat this time.  I simply lost my passion, my enthusiasm, my get-up-and-go for a lot of things all at once.

I’ve been in a fog it seems without a flashlight fumbling around in stark darkness for months, but today I think may have felt the smallest hint of light.  It was cloudy, dark, rainy day today, but somehow that light poked a hole in those clouds just big enough for me to see and more importantly, feel.  Light, I haven’t seen or felt in so long, allowed me to see just how bruised I am.   My shoulders, slumped, my heart, heavy, my mind, weighed down, my appetite, gone, my smile, gone.  Now I was in an abusive relationship before, so I know how to put makeup on a black eye, a busted lip or a purple and blue arm.  What does one do though when it’s your heart, your self- esteem, your feelings? What does one do when he or she is fighting against themselves?  If you’ve been paying any attention to my YouTube channel, my tweets, or my Facebook statuses, then you would know that I’ve been going through it. 

There have been so many hurts in my life, and I think somehow they have all forced me to live my life always on the defensive.  I smile a lot because smiles tend to hide a lot especially when one has as many teeth as I do.  This morning as I showered, I thought that it would probably be safe to cry in the shower because no one but me would know.  My tears would trickle down my face, blending with the water and none would be the wiser.  I wouldn’t allow myself to cry then.  I just held myself as tight as I could as the hot water erased the tension in my shoulders. I dressed, and used the last of my concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes.  I had some errands to run, and I could feel “it” coming.   I made it to my car just in time and I allowed myself one simple luxury.  I allowed myself to cry.  I cried! I cried! I cried! It wasn’t a cute cry either it was undignified, unsightly and ugly right there in the Target parking lot.  My body felt as though it merely collapsed against my steering wheel.  I couldn’t do anything except grip the steering wheel and hold on for the ride finally letting go would take me on.  What started as a controlled sob turned into ghastly sounds I still can’t begin to define.  I thought the tears would never stop, but they did eventually. I sat in that parking lot for hours.  I thought if I got “it all out, I wouldn’t have to bring it back in my house again.  I guess being strong takes its toll and it beckons those of us who think we’re strong to relish in being in a weakened state even if it’s just momentarily. Crying today didn’t mean I was weak, it meant I’m alive.   I’m not at all sure what God does with our tears, but I can’t wait to see how He recycles mine. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

Journal Entry 15 October 2012


There isn’t enough ink or paper in the world to accurately describe how off course I am. All the dreams, all the plans, and all the goals I started this year with seem to have fallen by the wayside. I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t pinpoint an exact date, but clearly I lost momentum several months ago. Now, weeks before this year is over, I feel as if the world has passed me by and I can’t seem to catch up. I can’t catch up because I honestly can’t seem to muster up the energy. I mean even if I took off running, I’d still be behind. 
Lord, as I sit here and type, I wonder if 2013 will be better. I wonder if all the things I so desperately want and need can find their way to me. I wonder why everything seems so far from my grasp. I wonder why I am not able to stand up for myself the way I have in the past. I wonder why I’m not sick and tired of being sick and tired yet. I wonder where my inner strength is. I wonder why I want what“they” have. I wonder why I feel like a prop in everybody else’s story. I wonder where the man who is supposed to love and cherish me is. I wonder where the resources to get “it” all done are. I wonder what will come from all the tears I’ve cried. I wonder if the people who still hurt me ever think about how I’m doing. I wonder why I can’t sleep. I wonder why my smile doesn’t quite reach my eyes anymore. I wonder where my appetite for life is. I wonder why even what’s within reach, still seems so far. I wonder how I got here. I wonder how long I’ll stay here. I wonder why “it” hasn’t happened for me. I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder how long will I wait by the phone. I wonder why God won’t just do what I ask. I wonder how much longer. I wonder if the heartbreak I’m headed for will destroy me. I wonder if I’ll ever be completely whole. I wonder if anybody out there truly cares that I’m lost. I wonder how I’ll get through the holidays alone. I wonder where all the people heaven put in place for me are hiding. I wonder if the world will hear the songs I’ve written. I wonder why I put my heart in harm’s way again. I wonder where my voice is. I wonder why I still believe. I wonder if heaven will read my entry today and step in to help.

Lord, maybe, just maybe the fact that I’m wondering about so many things means I have hope. I wonder!





 
Amazed by Your Grace!


Monday, October 8, 2012

Love


I read this last week and I thought it was interesting!
 
Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn't it?  It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.... You give them a piece of you.  They didn't ask for it.  They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.  Love takes hostages.  It gets inside you.  It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.  ~Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

 

Monday, October 1, 2012

Checking In september 30, 2012

I've got a little cold, so forgive me for soundingg like Barry White! It has been awhile since my last video. I pray YOU are doing well. God cares so much about what we go through. My struggles always remind me that I human, but I believe through a simple sermon point, God told me that this stronghold no longer has any power over my life. I don't know your struggles, but if you want to be delivered, talk to Him openly and honestly about it. He is able!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist


IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "The valley would give you the best view of the mountain!"
IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd see grace from the receivers point of view!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "My mistake would be A reason to pray, not AMMUNITION to ADD to your ARSENAL!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Your situation would only know you by your smile!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "God's timing would be the reason you don't wear a watch!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Lack would be one of those bad 4 letter words you didn't use!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Your faith would be noticeable even in trouble!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Your way would be crossed off the map!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd see the wind as the fastest way to be pushed into God's will!

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd know triumph was on the other side of trouble!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "What the world is doing would have no bearing on what God has already done!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "There would be a consistent cadence in your Christian walk!" IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Your alleged "haters" would know you love them!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "The least of these would be foremost in your thoughts!"
 

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd know joy and happiness are two entirely different things!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Waiting on God would be a pleasure!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd be less inclined to tear the other person down!"'

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You couldn't in good conscience, share your bed with anyone you weren't married to!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd have no time to try and uncover what I was before I knew Him!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "Your Bible would be raggedy!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "What the Pastor drove would hardly concern you!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "You'd trust God with your tithe!"

IfUKnewWhoUWereInChrist "There's no way you'd be shacking up!"

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Anchors Away!

I hate to think of how much time I’ve wasted on a floatation device manufactured completely out of fear.  How many days have I been too afraid to walk away from the safety of the shore and stick my aching feet into the refreshing, cool waters of God’s grace? There have been many I’m ashamed to say. Isn’t it amazing the things God gives us freely yet we still don’t believe we deserve them? There are so many things I still want, desperately need and yet an overwhelming sense of guilt sometimes prevents me from going to the throne with confidence.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m wholly aware of my rights and privileges as a Child of God, through His Word and yet I still find myself hesitating when asking for what I want, what I need and more importantly, what his Word says I deserve. Funny isn’t it? Especially when God has a proven track record of keeping His Word, delivering His promises and granting His favor irrespective of who we are.  In the past several months, I’ve felt like God has been teaching me a valuable lesson. I believe wholeheartedly that He is insisting that I stand up and be heard and not shy away from using those gifts He has graciously placed within me without revocation.  It hasn’t always been easy to do, but I’m hoping to get better at it.  It’s weird to think that somehow I may be boring God asking Him for what His Word already says I can have.  There hasn’t been a day in the 41 years I’ve lived when God wasn’t willing to help me walk across unchartered waters in order to fulfill His purpose.  There have been several days where I’ve just been completely unwilling to get my Gluteus Maximus off the beach towel and head towards the deep and mysterious end of the ocean.  You know the place where the sharks are. Fear, doubt, condemnation and guilt are powerful tools.  They undermine our faith invariably keep us holding onto where we are instead of reaching where we should be.  Why do we seem to find such comfort in burying our gifts, talents, and even our questions in the obscurity of the sand? I believe it is because the sand allows us to simply build castles in the sand we can always look at rather sail right past the intangible.  I sense in my spirit, that I am being stirred up to finish the book, sing the song, write the screenplay, and use all of the words, big and small to change lives.  The intangible is the place God needs me the most to touch lives.  The confines of the shore are just too safe, too predictable and too stationary for the dynamic force that is God.  So today, I resolve within myself to relinquish the last bit of apprehension so I can set sail.

Anchors Away!


Monday, April 30, 2012

Happy Birthday To Me!

On April 30, 1971 at 5:10 am, a premature baby girl was delivered! That baby girl was me!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Yeah I Said It!

**DISCLAIMER**  In expressing MY views on MY blog, I drop the "S" bomb and a few deroggatory names tthat I have been called. 
Dear America, You have had more than enough time to get used to my skin color. I can't change the pigmentation in my skin, but perhaps God can change your problems and your perception of it. I made this video because I am tired! I'm tired of taking it as an African-American,. I'm tired of taking whatever the world dishes out at me. We should ALL be concerned that it is really just that easy to murder someone in cold blood and almost have the world applaud it. A change has to come. It is going to take ALL of us to reach ALL of us. I am a Christian,but today, right now, I am angry! Deal with it!

The song playing in the background is Boyz II Men "One Up For Love"




Thursday, March 15, 2012

Journal Entry 15 March 2012

It’s so good to see the sun after so many months of gray.  I want to thank you Lord for allowing me to come to you and express my feelings as only I can as often as I can.  Thank you for always listening to me even when I happen to repeat the same things over and over again.  Lord, I welcome your advice, your leading and your Word even if it’s hard to understand right now.  My emotions as I type this blog are as visible as the bright yellow shirt I’m wearing right, and I find myself entering a very odd season.  I feel as though I’m constantly being surrounded by people I don’t think I will be able to bring myself to ever trust.  This as you know is a very hard place for me because I tend to loathe relationships that are artificially sweetened with false humility.  Lord, how do people simply gloss over their offenses to other people day after day, month after month, year after year, decade after decade? How do other imperfect people live as though they’ve not done anything wrong? Tell me, how is it possible that the people who’ve caused me so much pain think a couple of phone calls with a few well-placed words mean everything is somehow normal again?  I don’t think I can do it again Lord!  I don’t think I can have this person in my life because I simply don’t trust them, their words, their motives and most importantly their heart. A couple of phone calls do not make a relationship. Are people really this na├»ve? Explain it to me Lord, so that I understand.  How is it a person who has lied on me, plotted against me, and used me ill for most of my adult life, think they can just send a voice mail one day and somehow it’s supposed to make up for years and years of manipulation, and deception? What are you doing Lord right now in my life? Why are these people I’ve let go pulling on me again?



The wall is going back up, it’s constructed out a fierce need to protect myself from people who continue to hurt me and yet I can also sense that you don’t want it there.  To some degree, I think we all have walls protecting the most vulnerable part of ourselves, our hearts. Even as you are tearing it down Lord, I still feel sometimes like I need my wall. I need my wall because it protects me from family members who gossip about me and smile in my face,  it protects me from other Believer’s at church plotting against me because they want a position I don’t even have, and it protects me even from myself.  Maybe it’s not that the wall shouldn’t come down, but maybe it’s how you’re allowing it to crumble, how you’re deconstructing it.  I suppose it’s the loss of control, but walls keep us safe.  I don’t want to be left out in the open, an exposed target for other people’s fiery darts. What I’d really like to say is that I honestly get tired sometimes of turning the other cheek of always having to smile when I would much rather scream. How did Jesus do it? How did He keep His joy, His peace in the company of people He knew didn’t like Him?  How did He keep His cool every time somebody tried to bait Him? How could He love people who wanted to kill Him? I don’t know what you’re trying to teach me right now, but I can probably guess that it is going to be a very hard lesson.  I’ve always been a good student, but this is one test in which I am not all that eager to see my final grade.

Amazed By Your Grace

Sunday, February 12, 2012

In Loving Memory: Whitney Houston

With a heavy heart I felt led to write this blog.  No one is beyond God’s reach, or His grace.  Too often we seem to forget this when it comes to celebrities.  Yesterday after enduring temperatures that would cause even the Godliest person to lose their religion, I learned of the sudden passing of Whitney Houston. Immediately I begin to mentally brace myself for the onslaught of hateful, venomous, cruel, and insensitive comments that always make their appearance on numerous social networking sights when celebrities die.  It hasn’t even been 24 hours and I’ve not seen this much mudslinging since the death of Michael Jackson.  It just amazes me that a person can live 48 years and the instant they transition, how quickly people are to dig up the moments perhaps when they were not at their best.  In 48 years of living surely the media, can find some way to celebrate this beautiful life with dignity? Ratings simply can’t be that important that rehashing one’s troubles overshadows their entire life as a whole.  For the people who always seem to be able to find a joke in death, I wish you could show me how you do it. How do you find a family never seeing their loved one funny?  I can still remember receiving the news of my only brother’s passing like it was yesterday and there was nothing funny about it. There was nothing comical about my Mother having to bury her only Son.  There was nothing especially humorous about knowing my twin nieces would never know their Father.  There was nothing particularly amusing as I watched my 25 year old brother’s casket being lowered into the cold earth.  I don’t know, maybe something is wrong with me that I can’t seem to jump in on the fun when celebrities pass away bandwagon regardless of the life they have lived.




How dare we discard people simply because they failed to be perfect?  We’re too busy looking for other’s people’s dirt aren’t we? I honestly believe the world derives some perverse sense of pleasure from knowing every dirty detail of another person’s life.  Why? It makes is feel better about the crap we do doesn’t it? Sure it does. We don’t mind berating Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston because it makes us feel better about ourselves.  We the people, have this amazing knack for forgetting that we are in fact the ones who place celebrities on pedestals.  I think what we as fans fail to realize is a manmade pedestal is bound to fall simply because it is made out of praise that’s often disingenuous, conditional, and counterfeit.  Then when these flawed human beings fall from grace, we have the intestinal fortitude to get all indignant about it.  I say it all the time, but perfection is way too boring for me.  There’s no room for improvement, no teachable moments, nothing to learn from and certainly nowhere else to go once it’s reached.  My prayers and my deepest sympathies go out to all of you who’ve had to deal with a recent loss. My heart is heavy for those of you who are still crying, still unable to get rid of “their” things, still hoping it’s a dream you’ll soon wake from.  The circumstances surrounding my brother’s death were awful.  The comments from people who didn’t even know him were just as cruel, but beyond this, was my brother, the man who helped me deliver my first child.  Right now most people are so steeped in speculation about Whitney’s death because they don’t have anything specific to go on. Isn’t that what we do? We fill in the blanks with sound bytes from TMZ, CNN or the proverbial horse’s mouth? Whitney Houston’s legacy will live on through her music. She is more than her mistakes. You are more than your mistakes.  I pray this day that you re freed from condemnation, guilt, blame and grief.  I don’t know what you’ve done it’s really a moot point, because you aren’t beyond God’s reach. If anyone of us were to take a good look at the places God’s grace can reach, we’d soon find it reaches celebrities too.  God’s grace puts a positive spin on all of our mistakes. 

Rest in Heaven Whitney Houston

Getting "IT" Off My Chest

Excuse my obvious cold and how emotional I seem to be, it's just been that kind of week for me.  I made this video to expresss my sadness once again at the insensitive, crude, vitrolic and heartless comments posted since the passing of Whitney Houston yesterday. How dare we discard people simply because they failed at being perfect like the rest of us?  Rest In Heaven Whitney Houston

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

YouAreInABadRelationshipIf


#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You're looking at the person you're with right now and you're still trying to convince yourself that this is the very best that you can do!


#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Common sense told you monogamy is is the least of your worries!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You believe the more toxic it is, the better it will smell!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You now know how He or She feels about you only because of an argument!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You think Hate is a synonym for Love!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You have to fight so He or she won't or can't leave!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You believe what's between your legs will lengthen His or Her stay!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You packed your bags and left but moved right into another relationship where you don't belong!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf The rope you're using to save this relationship has already been cut, but you hang on anyway!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You actually know He or She is with someone else, but as long as the bills get paid!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Getting beat up is nothing because He or She possesses Beauty and Brawn!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You are the weed in someone else's marriage and don't think you can be killed!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Your self- esteem is leaking due to all the holes in your self -confidence!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Knowing He or She already had a Spouse didn't sway you one bit!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Settling for LESS means no MORE nights alone!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Every special moment takes place in a hotel under assumed names!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Delusions of grandeur has goaded you into thinking this will be an Affair To Remember!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You'd rather follow LUST than let LOVE lead!

 #YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You don't see that YOU are the Common Denominator in all the other bad ones too!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Physical, Mental or Verbal abuse is the only affection you can expect to receive!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You can't SUBTRACT this person not ADDING to your life!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You haven't grasped that MARRIAGE before SEX was God's plan before it was ever put in a dictionary!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You look in the mirror and only see their reflection!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You don't see that YOU are the Common Denominator in all the other bad ones too!



#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You don't see the difference between "I love you, but" and "But I love you!"

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Playing house is easier than purchasing one after you've gotten married!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You already know what to expect because you've been here before!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You can't SUBTRACT this person not ADDING to your life!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Compromising God's standards is the standard you now live by!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You only answer when called derogatory names!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Staying causes more harm than good!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You look in the mirror and only see their reflection!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf His or Her strengths make you feel insecure!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf His or Her insecurities make you feel strong!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Valentine's Day truly is the only day you're celebrated!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Compromising God's standards is the standard you now live by!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You'd rather look through their stuff than look the truth in the face!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You're only interested in changing them while you stay the same!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You spend more time enabling or making excuses for them!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Your entire self WORTH is WRAPPED up in how much you WEIGH

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Another imperfect, fallible person completes you!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Sex is the only weapon in your arsenal!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Manipulation is a form of foreplay!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf You're actually looking forward to shacking up!

#YouAreInABadRelationshipIf Mediocrity gives you a warm feeling!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A Womn's Worth!


Earlier this morning I had an opportunity to speak into the life of a young woman. Now what some people might call coincidence or happenstance, I like to call divine appointments from God. Why? Because I honestly believe every person put in my path has been carefully orchestrated not by some genie in a bottle, but an awesome God who knows that I can be incredibly useful when needed. This young, very attractive woman was beating herself up because she had apparently been stood up by a blind date. What shocked me is that she assumed that she had done something wrong. I suggested that she needn’t look at being stood up as rejection, but perhaps God had intervened and protected her from danger. We do it all the time don’t we? We assume it’s always our fault and not a loving, awesome, wonderful Father, namely God looking out for His little girls. What a beautiful thing to possess wisdom, and what a beautiful thing to be able to dispense it to young women who I pray will one day pass it on. My heart has been extremely heavy lately for future generations of women who’ve been immersed in a culture of what I like to call complete and utter foolishness. It saddens me to think many of our young women no longer seem to have hopes of becoming Doctors, Lawyers, Teachers, Engineers, or Nurses. No, our young women would much rather star in a sex tape, or some ridiculous reality show in hopes of bettering themselves. I swear sometimes I feel like I’m completely surrounded by a generation of wanna be starlets in platform shoes, heavy eye shadow and spandex and it’s heartbreaking. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this bad, the lack of pride, morals and character. I look at some of these young women who are barely out of their teens and they look so old. I wonder what they really see when they look in the mirror, and I’m not talking about the makeup, the tight clothing, I’m talking about their self -esteem. It’s just my opinion, but the sexier a woman tries to appear outwardly, the lower she seems to truly feel about her self- inwardly.
What I like to call my office is but a few strategically placed Starbucks located within the 25 miles or so I happen to frequent during the course of the week. On any given day, I can expect to hear a boisterous group of women comparing their weight, children, SUV’s, houses, or their husband’s incomes. It’s maddening at times, to think some women actually believe the sum of their worth is comprised of numbers. Why are we as women so hard on ourselves? Why does every single event in a woman’s life has to be about who’s the skinniest, prettiest or fairest girl in the land? Why does our entire existence have to revolve around our weight, breast size and our skin color? Don’t you get sick of being held to impossible standards of beauty, being objectified, over looked and obstructed at every turn?  What happened to us? What happened to the older generation of women who took the time to mentor and mold us? They can’t all be cougars, can they? Our fight didn’t stop with the right to vote, Roe vs. Wade or some man’s paycheck... or moving to the suburbs. There is still work to be done. There are countless women out there that need guidance. Prostitution, Human Trafficking, Pornography and these appalling reality shows have put scales over our eyes and nothing short of a Damascus Road experience will allow us to see again.

 “Women have settled, so much so that we’ve chosen to stand still in mediocrity.”- April Lashon

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Checking In 29 January 2012





Happy New Year Everyone! This is my first video of the New Year! It's just a few words to encourage you to go to the Word of God when you need to REGROUP, or to RECHARGE! God loves YOU and so do I, continue to speak only what he says about YOU!





 The beautiful song playing in the back ground in none other than "HOME" by Brian Mcknight

Monday, January 9, 2012

Journal Entry 09 Januaru 2012

2011 will arguably go down in history as one of the most chaotic years ever.  I don’t know when I’ve seen more natural disasters, crimes against children, selfishness, greed, perversion, and just an utter collapse of morals and common decency.  I’m not sure how everyone else fared, but I managed to come out quite unscathed, save a few minor personal skirmishes.  Last January I lost one of my closest friends. I still cannot believe she’s gone, but when I am reminded of all the heartache, strife, confusion and suffering down here, there’s an overwhelming sense of closure.  I had more than a few days though where I felt unsure, restless, and dispirited. There were days I didn’t feel as close to you as I should, but still I can’t think of a moment Lord when you weren’t there. 

What will 2012 bring?  Well, I honestly don’t know which is why I’ve been fasting since New Year’s Eve.  Lord, I need answers, and the answers I need have not come from simply going through religious motions and routines. Fasting is a lifestyle. It is worship, it is a spiritual discipline, and it is putting things back in Godly order.  2011 brought with it a lot of chaos in my life, and most of it went undetected to the natural eye.  With everything that’s within me, I truly believe 2012 is going to be a stellar year for me.  Already I can feel my spiritual equilibrium balancing itself out.  Already I feel the toxins leaving my body. Already I’m hearing you speak to me.  Already I’m sensing you doing a new thing in me.   I have asked you Lord to reveal yourself to me in fresh and exciting ways.  I’ve asked you to rekindle my fire, my passion and my zeal for you.  I’ve asked you to move on behalf of my friends, my family, strangers, and even my enemies. 

That’s right enemies!  It smiles in my face, it is my friend on Facebook, and it even follows my every check in on Foursquare. Sometimes these things puzzle me, but then I remember a famous line from The Godfather “Never hate your enemy because it affects your judgment”.  My enemies are closer than I would like, but there must be some purpose for it.  So I study them carefully. I listen to their lies, I watch it as it rolls its eyes at me, I make note every time it tells me it doesn’t like me behind a smile, I watch it pretend to serve your people, I watch it as tries to be seen by all the “right” people. I watch it as it questions why I’m being used.  The enemy is a sneaky little rascal, especially the kind that attends church.  I have a few “known” enemies like this Lord.  You know, the kind of enemy that serves right alongside me in church every week knowing all the while that it hates me.  It is really quite amusing to watch people go out of their way to disguise their dislike of people they don’t even know.  You know me Lord, I cannot tolerate false humility, brownnosing, and counterfeits in church.  Lord, I am asking for your protection where the enemy has placed a carefully hidden plot. Thank you for spiritual discernment and for exposing the enemy.  

Already I sense a shift, already I see you moving mightily in my life.  Too often I think we miss what you have for us because we are only looking for those BIG miracles, you know, the kind that sparkle, the kind that everybody can see, the kind that people just have to notice.  Lord, I don’t mind the small miracles you know, the kind I used to overlook.  I never used to think of how getting older was a blessing until you started calling my friends home.  I will turn 41 year. Lord, I don’t want to just get older. I want to get wiser. I want to get better.  I want to live.  There are some places I’d still like to go. There are some things I would still like to do.  There is the book I need to finish. There is the song still need to sing.  None of this can happen without you.  2011 may have been muddled with turmoil, but I made it!  If I had to a chance to live my life all over again, I would want to meet you in the exact same place. I trust you Lord in 2012 as I did in 2011, and when I trust you, worry doesn’t have much flexibility.

Amazed By Your Grace!