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Monday, October 10, 2011

Journal Entry 10 October 2011

Lord after last week, I think you must think me incredibly strong! In many respects I know that I am, for there have been far too many occasions when I’ve had no choice but to be. In the span of about a year, I have lost four people intimately acquainted with me. I know death is a normal part of life, but even when it comes, I don’t think we are ever truly ready for it. From the moment I learned of her death, I resolved within myself to put on a fresh coat of strength. I could not cry, I would not cry, that is, until I walked inside the church, and then, well everything just seemed so final. Though I am emotionally spent, all is well today. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read my Great Grandmother Grace’s obituary since Friday. 108 years! Lord, I can’t even begin to wrap my eyes around what she was privy to see. She lived through two World Wars, Slavery, Polio, The Great Depression, Prohibition, Disco, the Internet, and an African-American elected to the highest office in the land, and even surviving the deaths of all but one child. I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for my Great Grandmother Grace, 108 years and a wonderful legacy to be passed on to future generations. I sat in that church Friday and listened intently as “Grandma Grace” was eulogized and I thought about my own legacy. What will be said of my life when it comes to an end one day? It is an honor indeed to live a long life, to live in such a manner that one is celebrated not really mourned at the end.


I’m not sure who I was trying to be strong for, by not opening the floodgates sooner. I guess it’s because there are not many people I’m inclined to share my burdens with for fear that they might not be able to help me carry them. Lord, I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to lean on the shoulders of my family, friends, and even strangers at various times throughout my life. I wanted to thank you for those who keep my name before you in fervent and effectual prayer. I believe it was Peter Drucker who once said that the most effective way to manage change is to create it. Lord, I need to make some changes in my life. There are still hurts and unforgiveness I must work through, bonds I need to break, nooses I must loose, and fears I must drown. There are quite a few areas I would certainly appreciate your help in if I am to leave a legacy worthy of leaving. I hope that by the time my life is over, that I will have done something that reminds those I leave behind of how wonderful every single day is. How many times have I failed in the course of my life only to have you to remind me that failure is not final? How many times have I had my heart broken only to see you mend it? How many times have I found myself face down in a pool of tears only to have you wipe them? How many times have I coasted into a miracle on faith that looked more like fumes and watched you work it out for me? How many times have I buried a loved one only to realize, life never stopped, not even for the funeral?
I come from very good stock! There are Doctors, Lawyers, Musicians, Inventors, Authors, and everything in between throughout my lineage. I can easily see why I was a "nerd" in school, why I write songs, why I love the library. Somehow I think they, those who have gone before me, have all left an indelible mark on my life. I must now invariably start with the woman in the mirror, all 5 feet 4 inches of her! Help me make that change!
Amazed by Your Grace!


In Loving Memory
Grace Ethel Waller-Hunter
October 8, 1902 - September 30, 2011
(We laid Grandma Grace to rest the day before her 109th Birthday, and it dawned on me she got to celebrate it with Jesus Christ in heaven!)

1 comment:

  1. That was an amazing piece! You are truly a gifted writer and journal keeper I and I thoroughly enjoyed every word of it.

    ReplyDelete

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