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Monday, February 14, 2011

Writing Out Loud: God Sent Me a Valentine!

Valentine’s Day usually comes and goes with not so much as a blink from me. I like to think that if I’d grown up in a house filled with love and not things, my outlook about even the silliest man made holiday might be different. I’m still a work in progress so don’t be alarmed by my cynicism. Love was not expressed very well in the home I grew up in. It has taken nearly 40 years and my relationship with Jesus to realize this. God knows me so well and He understands how I tend to get just a little tense around Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day. I believe until I’ve completely unlearned everything man’s version of love has taught me about love, the battle within me will rage on. Ordinarily I live a nice, quiet, simple life. In many ways simple, uncomplicated and safe has become my security blanket shielding me from love I know deep down I desperately want and deserve. There are days I see myself happily married to a man who doesn’t mind what I look like after I remove the aesthetics. There are other days I prefer the solitude of not having to wonder will he still love me after I’ve burned the millionth casserole. Love scares me because all I’ve ever known it to be is not what God says it is. Until I met the Lord, the only love I’ve known has been conditional, abusive, manipulative, divisive and toxic. So where did love find me on this Valentine’s Day? Love literally found me in sweat pants, a head scarf and a huge pimple on my face. I knew once my feet hit the floor this morning it would begin the busiest week of my life. Today caught me by surprise because this was the only day I didn’t have anything I had to get done. I will remember this Valentine’s Day because God sent me something that made me stop and pause for love. When you’ve lived with an imposter sometimes I think it’s easier to spot what’s real. It’s also hard to look at love objectively if it’s only been based on lobster and lingerie. Love cannot be hidden! Love never does anything it will be ashamed of, and love never has to worry about being found out! This morning God reminded me that He loves me by inching me one step closer to fulfilling my destiny. For so many years my voice, and my words have lain dormant, trapped in a woman too afraid to speak. My closest friends on any given day are the paper and pens I use to express my emotion. Last year I wrote a beautiful song. I had no idea what would become of it so I put it aside. I love how God never wastes anything. He remembered the song I wrote by opening a door so someone could hear it. Imagine my reaction when they loved it! To make a long story short I had an impromptu meeting where my song breathed for the first time in beautiful chord progressions. Hearing my lyrics come to life caused me to pause and remember God’s love. I like to think God shot an arrow through the painful memories I’ve often associated with love. I won’t lie today I wished on a human level, I had a love of my own to share this special moment with. To write such a song took love and I hope one day the Lord releases me to share it with the world. It seems like every time I have something important going on subconscious chaos erupts in my skin in the form of pimples, hives and blotches. I was more than a little peeved at Cupid until God reminded me this huge pimple residing on the left side of my face, that seemed to grow by the hour, was a just a temporary beauty mark. It really cracks me up how the face tells the real truth about how we feel about everything, especially LOVE!

When the flowers wilt, LOVE will still bloom!
When the candles melt LOVE will still be light!
When the champagne loses its fizz, LOVE will still bubble to the surface!
Happy Valentine’s Day from my heart to yours!

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