Today Lord as I “cooled” down from my workout I forced myself to sit and listen to your heartbeat. I wanted so much to see Lord, if it matched my own. Lord thank you so much for allowing me some “private” time in our “spot” today. I really needed some “quiet” time with you. You always know exactly when to “reserve” the place where we can really talk. Can you believe my 39th birthday is next Friday? No I haven’t traded in my mid-sized sedan for a sports car, and I’m not wearing mini-skirts above the knee so I seriously doubt I’m going through a mid-life crisis. I’m not sure however, why I suddenly burst out in tears for no apparent reason. I’m not sad nor am I depressed. I think it’s just a realization that I’m entering a new phase of my life. I want the next couple decades to be filled with love, hugs, flowers, laughter, and tears, you know, all the ingredients that make a life. I’d like to think I’m entering the middle of my life without the excess baggage of my past. It’s a simple, monotonous, rather routine life I live, but I’m thankful now for clarity I didn’t possess a year ago. Lord there is still so many things I need to talk to you about too. We’re going to need many more “moments” like today. I look at my face, and though it has retained its youthful appearance, it has changed. My body is changing, everything is changing. I have no choice but to change with it. I sometimes think about how short life is and whether I’ll have time. I get it though, everything you’ve planned for me, I will accomplish while I’m here. I doubt I’m not the only single woman teetering on the threshold of menopause, gray hair, and crow’s feet, to ask, am I where I’m supposed to be in life? Maybe I cried because in many respects I’ve had to finally admit even though I surrendered control of my life to you it’s scary nonetheless what awaits. I do wonder where your will is going to take me? What’s next in this next leg of my journey? Who will I leave behind? Who will dare to venture on the next leg of my journey with me? I guess I think too much don’t I? My inquisitive mind is always questioning, figuring, wondering, pondering, and working. There are days when I know I just need to sit still and listen for your gentle whispers. I heard you today Lord!
Until I can figure out my future, I’m going to enjoy my present.
Amazed by Your Grace!