My Joy Is Contagious Make Sure You Catch It!

I always tell people that any day above ground is a good day! I hope your day is wonderful and blessed! Feel free to share your thoughts!
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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Journal Entry 10 December 2009

Lord I wanted to get a serious work out this morning but Jack Frost only allowed me to hit the snooze button once. It was so dark outside I really thought I’d woke up before you lol. 10 days in and my future is still shaping up nicely. Lord what’s it been almost 5 years now? Healed! My doctor got on me about my cholesterol, and I promised to do better. I’m not worried about my weight. It was a blistery 2 degrees this morning so I like to think the extra 15 pounds I put on since last year (don’t have a clue how they attached themselves to my body), kept me from blowing away. I needed some good news! I’ve had so much coming against me from so many directions. When I pray, I like to think I’m just reminding you of all the promises found in the Word. So in this situation I said “Lord the Word says that I am healed, and redeemed from sickness.” You esteem your Word higher than your own name and you move when we give your Word back to you. It’s not magic, its mountain moving faith. As I understand it we’ve each been given a measure of faith right? All of us could move mountains in our lives huh?
I was really just a lemon on a car lot. You spotted me and said “I want her.” You purchased me with all my scratches, dents, and rust. I’m salvageable, I’m repairable! Most of life is normal wear and tear but I need you to do major overhauling. You got strong arms and you seem really great at heavy lifting. You can have it Lord, all these dents, and scratches. Restore me Lord and put me back on the lot in pristine condition. You’ve been the absolute best Father to me. It’s been in the quiet pre-dawn hours I’ve needed you most! Those nights I couldn’t get to sleep, I called and instantly you answered. I’ve had so much to say lately, so much has been bottled up. I reached a new level with you. We’re communicating back and forth. I’m talking so much because I don’t ever want you to forget what my voice sounds like. I don’t want you to let me go. Hold on to me God. So many people just let me go. Make sure I’m okay. Allow me to talk, even if I have to repeat it several times. When I tell you repeatedly “I’m tired” or “this hurts me” I mean it! I do sort of feel like “Mack” in The Shack. I asked you to let me have a place where we could talk in private and I have that. I’m assured that what we talk about is between us. You gained by trust by using so many of the “issues” I deal with to show me who you are. I have to keep writing because I want somebody to know you can be trusted.

You’ve had experience yourself with hurt. Your family mistreated you, poked fun at you, and doubted your sanity. More than a few people tried to get you to prove yourself. You were betrayed by someone who walked closely with you. You do understand. Lord you’ve seen me through nightmares, flashbacks, cold sweats, fits of anger, bouts of depression, wet sheets, drenched pillows, and clenched fists. I’m still here! You love me! I keep seeing evidence of this. Remember all those years ago when I had serious doubts about your credibility? Remember when I was mad at you? Remember how I gave you the middle finger? Remember I told you I hated you? Remember I asked you to leave me alone? Remember when I cursed you? Remember when I begged you to let me die? I was furious at you God. I blamed you for things that happened to me even things I caused. I bet I sounded just like Adam when he blamed Eve huh? It’s all going to work out! It’s working out! It’s just not the way I expected. It’s hard to step outside of your own problems and see others going through too. When it’s you, you tend to feel like you’re the only one. There were days Lord I when I know I didn’t want to hear a bible verse and I told you so. I just wanted you to ‘fix” it and make it go away. It is perfectly okay for me to freely express my misgivings, displeasure, tell you I don’t understand, I’m pissed, I don’t want to be bothered, and you don’t look at me strange. You just love me. Trials are going to come. You never said they wouldn’t but you told me to cheer up because I could overcome them. I’m enduring. I’m overcoming.
Amazed by your grace!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Journal Entry 09 December 2009

Lord I must have looked like an Olympic skater gliding across sheets of ice trying to get to Bible Study last night. Inclement weather is never reason enough to miss hearing from you and I knew if I pressed my way inside there’d be something wonderful on the other side. When the man of God spoke to me I heard YOU! It was just a quick polite greeting, but I saw and felt much more. It was confirmation of something that had taken place between you and I earlier. The minister greeted me as I was stomping snow from my shoes. Isn’t it a shame the actions of a “few” can cause us to unfairly “lump” people into one category. Sometimes it’s nice to know someone understands even though a word never passes between them. Something about that moment made me feel this man had empathy for what I’ve had to endure, but I wasn’t seeing him, I was seeing you. It was enough to allow me to quickly check my mailbox and take my seat. I listened to the Worship Leader sing your name in such a melodious way it literally transported your spirit right to my row. I stood with outstretched hands lifted up. I forgot I hadn’t removed my hat, coat, or gloves all still wet from the fallen snow. I entered and rested in your sweet presence. I hugged my pillow and slept like a baby in a fresh diaper.
What you say about me must be true! Why else would the enemy use so many people to come against me? I’m paying attention too. They “look” and “act” the same. Why? They share a “familiar” spirit”. In varying degrees, they’ve all attacked me in the same way. They started out pretending to be one way and ended up being another. Much to my chagrin, I played right into their hands allowing them to use their leverage and position to further sabotage me. They did it from the inside. This is not coincidence or happenstance if people really paid attention. It takes a concerted effort to go about destroying a person’s life. It’s ugly and it’s evil! One of Satan’s greatest achievements is convincing Christians he isn’t in the church. I like your brand of justice and I’m watching you vindicate me right in the midst of naysayers. You are using the very judgment they’ve reserved for me and you’re showing them themselves. When people dislike you it’s usually something they dislike in themselves. When people lie on you, it usually is something they’re doing themselves. That’s why I don’t have to fight so hard and that is why many people can’t do anything but be quiet. Silence really is the best mirror in which to see ourselves. I know who you say I am! The enemy knows who I am too. His orders are to kill, steal, and destroy me. In a sick way it’s flattering to see what “they” come up with next. It’s also interesting watching “them” turn on each other as they go. Thank you Lord because you showed me nearly two years ago but I didn’t understand it then. People don’t want to see that you’ve already removed the biggest piece of this puzzle. It’s a daunting task watching a person be assassinated by people they trust, people right under their noses. You feel powerless to stop it because you know they won’t believe you. They’ve been seduced by the very spirit trying to kill me but all we have to do is ask you to show us who people really are. Look past all the smoke, and you can see me standing.
How do you do it Lord? Always showing up right on time even though you exist out of time? Last night there was such a sweet spirit in that gymnasium. I’ve noticed lately that I’ve had a greater sense of your presence without all the hoopla. I like it! I like it a lot! You are everywhere but it’s much easier to find you without all the bells and whistles. Last night’s Bible Study was intimate. It was the raw emotion in the man of God’s voice that glued me to the edge of my seat. I could barely contain myself hearing confirmation of things we talk about. In hindsight we all pressed our way through sleet and traffic Lord to get to you. We all needed peace, even the man of God. I had to thank him. He didn’t look at me or talk to me like he didn’t give a crap. He didn’t pretend to listen. He didn’t throw my mistakes in my face. He didn’t talk down to me. He didn’t treat me like I was keeping him from something else. He treated me like a leader that was concerned about those he leads. Isn’t it true leaders serve you by leading those they serve? Last night, we all needed to know that we can endure. That’s what he told me, that I can endure! I know what love looks like now! I know what love feels like now! I know what love sounds like now! Love can’t be faked and love can’t be scripted. Love has to be demonstrated! Love has to be expressed! Love has to be reciprocated! Love has to be received! Love has to be shown! Love starts and ends with you! It’s the adhesive that hold us all together. Darkness will always try to disguise itself as light. I know the difference now Lord and it’s your very spirit making the darkest of days bright.
Amazed by your grace!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Journal Entry 06 December 2009

Lord I probably should have stayed home today but I’d promised to fill in for someone at church. I literally ran out of church because I felt dizzy.  My blood sugar was a little low, so I knew I had to get something in my system quick. Thank you for keeping me safe because I really thought I would pass out behind the wheel before making it to the store. The young lady at the register noticed I didn’t look too well.  Her exact words “You look pale” lol.  She was kind enough to allow me to pay for my purchases and inhale it right in aisle #15.  She even waited until I regained the color in my cheeks before she let me go. To some, it probably would’ve gone unnoticed but I graciously accepted her kindness.  Usually this is a hard thing to do because so often I feel like everybody is trying to $ell me something.
It’s time for some cleaning not because another year approaches but because I hate clutter. I’ve already begun beginning with cyber space. I’m getting rid of contacts and “friends” and I use the term “friend” loosely. There is nothing like the power behind the DELETE button. I don’t owe anybody an explanation or a phone call. I’m doing what I have to do for me by letting people who mean me no earthly or spiritual good GO!  You know what gets on my last nerve? What truly irks the freaking hell out of me are people who think I can’t distinguish between “CONCERN” and plain old NOSINESS. I know who my REAL friends are! NONE of them live in close proximity to me, BUT when they call I always hang up feeling better, not hounded for information. My “REAL” friends don’t call everyday only when I need them. My “REAL” friends speak up when I've been wronged. My “REAL” friends don’t expect me to walk on water to gain their acceptance.  My “REAL” friends really are CONCERNED about me and not hiding under the guise of just being NOSY. I don’t feel condemnation because I gave these people access to my life. Now access is being DENIED and I’m now choosing to be SELECTIVE. You are a “REAL” friend God. There’s 100% total acceptance with YOU! I woke up at 3 am Saturday and poured my heart out to YOU. I can’t remember how many times I called YOU Jesus, I remember being rocked to sleep. I slept peacefully until 10:00am. Thank you just for listening to me as I told you ALL ABOUT IT. I keep looking at clocks Lord. I look at them because at any moment  I hope you call TIME!  Could it be my season is up and I can finally meet the person(s) who is going to help mentor me, train me, and guide me? That is all I’ve ever wanted Lord the right people to show me what to do. No matter how people treat me, what they say about me, how they look at me, it will never change what you’ve preordained for my life. I’m looking forward to my future.
Yesterday was more evidence that I never know who I’m going to meet and why I met them. In the past couple days I’ve met a Celebrity Stylist, a State Representative, a County Commissioner, a U.S. State’s Attorney, and a professional football player. What impressed me the most about each of these people upon meeting them was the absence of their public persona and their business “cards.” The first 6 days of my future have all been memorable. What I don’t put online is definitely being written by hand. I’m trying not to miss what may look like the “small” things. So I’m careful to take note of a stranger’s smile, a gentle wind, or a kind gesture. They are all reminders that YOU are near. I got about 3 glucose testing machines lying around the house but I don’t need them because ALL IS WELL!
Amazed by your grace!