My Joy Is Contagious Make Sure You Catch It!

I always tell people that any day above ground is a good day! I hope your day is wonderful and blessed! Feel free to share your thoughts!
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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Journal Entry 29 August 2009

An Excerpt from My Journal 29 August 2009
What a day to reflect on life and its amazing power to surprise us with the extraordinary and the unexpected. Today marks the 4th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, the storm that ravaged my beloved home of Louisiana. I was heated all those years ago by the lack of urgency from our federal government. How many lives were simply washed away when that levee broke? Today would’ve been Michael Jackson’s 51st birthday. He’s gone too. I’ve paid attention to how the media honors and not honors certain people. While our loved ones are here time almost seems to be trapped as if held by a dam. Lord, I always wonder why time seems to fly when our loved ones leave us. Maybe it’s because we think we’ll get more chances to say words that matter.
On a Saturday normally I would’ve dressed and found my way to Starbucks but on this day I was gripped in reflection. I sat and watched the Celebration of Senator Edward Moore Kennedy and his life. It dawned on me that a year to the day he made his way to the stage of the 2008 Democratic National Convention, he too now is gone. I never realized how so much of my own life has been impacted by legislation that he drafted. I’ve watched all the coverage and I watched again as this family has had to share their pain in public. Grief is grief and it does not matter at all if you have the wealth of a Kennedy or the humble beginnings of a Jackson. Whether it is a public life or private one, our lives matter right until the end and beyond.
Lord has my becoming more like you intensified my grief? I seem to grieve a lot nowadays for people I’ve never met. I wonder about how all these families famous or not are doing. When the tears come in the midnight hour I wonder how they are. Because long after the camera is turned off and the sympathetic well wishers go home comes the unavoidable silence. You know that eerie silence that comes when a loved one transitions to the next life. I still feel a deep longing for the brother I lost and the father I have no memories of. I do hope and pray that any family suffering a loss is being comforted tonight. I am! I’m still comforted by you Lord and your angels over the loss of my loved ones. I’m still comforted as I strive towards my preordained destiny. Embrace those who mourn this night and thank you in advance. The peace you give us all tonight ensures a better tomorrow.
Amazed by your grace!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Excerpt From My Journal 23 August 2009

Journal Entry 23 August 2009
How do I say it Lord? How do I express what I experienced today? I pride myself on trying to document my feelings but today I don’t think I can. I’m exhausted but for very good reasons. There are only two words, “I’m Free”! I’m free because today I chose to walk in forgiveness. I wasn’t prompted or prodded just your garden variety free will. During our “Agape” moment at church as I was trying to fill my 3 hug quota (lol)I hugged a person who I’ve held in a low regard for nearly two years. I have to give you your props Lord. Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago I asked you to open some doors for me? It just dawned on me today that I wasn’t very specific as to what kind of doors. I never expected the door you’d open for me would be forgiveness. Now that the moment has passed I can say it feels surreal to understand the inner workings of forgiveness. Are you kidding me? All it took was a hug? I could’ve hugged this person two years ago. I couldn’t no that is not entirely true, I wouldn’t.
I learned in an instant that what I did was not necessarily for them but for me. I held onto my anger like a prized possession and I refused to part with it. I thought that by forgiving this person, I would look weak. I felt like I was standing up for myself. I wanted blood! I wanted justice! I wanted you to visit this person with 10 remixed 21st Century plagues. I just wanted someone to finally care about something that happened to me that hurt me. I just didn’t want another person to do me a wrong and just ride off into the sunset. I’m even ashamed to admit that Lord in this particular instance I held onto to my pride and my anger because I thought if I let it go that you too would soon forget about it. It hurt to feel like once again no one cared about something painful that happened to me. I guess all this stems from the dysfunction I was exposed to in my childhood. For the better part of my life I’ve been neglected, forsaken, and sometimes left to fend for myself.
Since I was a child, I’ve felt that I’ve gone through this life undetected even by you. The introverted, music loving, bookworm, I never thought there were any extraordinary qualities about me. I just assumed that you felt the same. I have a birth certificate that proves I’m here and yet some days I feel like I’ve lived my life by stealth. Oh but today everything changed! You reminded me of August 11, 2007, the day you called me, the day you set me apart for the ministry. So now that feeling of exclusion from some elite group who I thought held all the power in this world has diminished. I realize now that I had to be delivered from people. I had to be broken but Lord there is no one I’d rather have put me back together than you. Going forward Lord I know I will be alright! I will make it! I am not forsaken. You do “see” me and care about every hurt, every tear. You opened a door and I walked right through it. If forgiveness has given me a measure of freedom imagine what it’s done for the other person? Amazed by Your Grace!