Friday, December 18, 2009
Journal Entry 18 December 2009
I’m not into Horoscopes but I’m a Taurus who comes across others who share my sign. We all share similar characteristics: fiercely loyal, protective, and we when we hurt, you know it. It’s like we “internalize” hurt in a deeper way. I don’t take hurt lightly, my wrongdoings, my misdeeds, my wrong words, even my body language, I think about it, and there’s nothing casual about it. Is it really that easy to despitefully use people and assume you can come and go as you please? I really don’t get it! I don’t know if waiting until I get to glory will suffice in my quest to have answers to life’s most perplexing questions. There are just things I wish to understand. I’m doing right by coming to you with everything great or small. Thank you Lord always for allowing me the freedom of expressing what I feel. I’m a roller coaster up and down, round and round, but such is life. A new decade is within reach. Ten years Lord, where did they go? Where am I today? I’m still on track but it sure does appear to be taking many modes of transportation to reach my appointed destination. Why do some days seem stagnate, like rushing waters being held by an impossible boulder. Why is there so much, so many in my way? It screams of something wonderful in my destiny doesn’t it? It has too Lord. There can be no other explanation except that “greatness” is all over me.
In a few days the world will celebrate Christmas in my opinion, its one day on our calendar no more or less significant than other days. Why can’t we give love, show love not because it’s Christmas but because it’s needed? Should calendars be responsible for dictating the days we love each other? I don’t think so. I’ve watched shopper’s scurry through store aisles hoping to stumble across some token to express what should emanate from within. Love can’t be wrapped up. Love ought to resemble wrapping paper. I like the image of a big mountain of wrapping paper, just a huge mess strewn all over the place. Lord shouldn’t love look like that? Love ought not to be neat and perfect. Love should make lots of noise! It should mimic the tearing of wrapping paper. I remember Christmas mornings, my mother was such a neat freak we handed her the wrapping paper as we unwrapped our gifts. Pay close attention Lord next Friday. Watch how quick the wrapping paper is discarded. It makes me think of love being thrown away.
What will the next ten years be like? How many journals will I fill up with accounts of my life? I’m excited! I hope to have accomplished more for the Kingdom. I hope to fully understand more of my purpose for being here at such a time as this. I’m leaving a lot of debris in this decade. It’s pointless to carry trash another ten years. Anymore weight put on shoulders and I’ll be completely crippled by maggots eating away at my spirit. I can’t do it anymore. I have to let go, my very life depends on it. In this next decade I won’t make excuses or rationalize what’s clearly truth. In this next decade I won’t keep trying to rely on people made of flesh and blood. Lord you and you alone are my first response not my last resort. I’ve been a little quiet these past few days. I’m processing, reassessing, and finalizing key areas in my life. The closure I need Lord can only come from you. Closure is needed in so many areas before I walk into 2010. I’m not giving you a deadline, I’m just writing out loud. Whatever you have for me Lord I receive it by faith. I thank you for taking such good care of me.
Amazed by your grace!