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Sunday, December 6, 2009

Journal Entry 06 December 2009


Lord I probably should have stayed home today but I’d promised to fill in for someone at church. I literally ran out of church because I felt dizzy.  My blood sugar was a little low, so I knew I had to get something in my system quick. Thank you for keeping me safe because I really thought I would pass out behind the wheel before making it to the store. The young lady at the register noticed I didn’t look too well.  Her exact words “You look pale” lol.  She was kind enough to allow me to pay for my purchases and inhale it right in aisle #15.  She even waited until I regained the color in my cheeks before she let me go. To some, it probably would’ve gone unnoticed but I graciously accepted her kindness.  Usually this is a hard thing to do because so often I feel like everybody is trying to $ell me something.
It’s time for some cleaning not because another year approaches but because I hate clutter. I’ve already begun beginning with cyber space. I’m getting rid of contacts and “friends” and I use the term “friend” loosely. There is nothing like the power behind the DELETE button. I don’t owe anybody an explanation or a phone call. I’m doing what I have to do for me by letting people who mean me no earthly or spiritual good GO!  You know what gets on my last nerve? What truly irks the freaking hell out of me are people who think I can’t distinguish between “CONCERN” and plain old NOSINESS. I know who my REAL friends are! NONE of them live in close proximity to me, BUT when they call I always hang up feeling better, not hounded for information. My “REAL” friends don’t call everyday only when I need them. My “REAL” friends speak up when I've been wronged. My “REAL” friends don’t expect me to walk on water to gain their acceptance.  My “REAL” friends really are CONCERNED about me and not hiding under the guise of just being NOSY. I don’t feel condemnation because I gave these people access to my life. Now access is being DENIED and I’m now choosing to be SELECTIVE. You are a “REAL” friend God. There’s 100% total acceptance with YOU! I woke up at 3 am Saturday and poured my heart out to YOU. I can’t remember how many times I called YOU Jesus, I remember being rocked to sleep. I slept peacefully until 10:00am. Thank you just for listening to me as I told you ALL ABOUT IT. I keep looking at clocks Lord. I look at them because at any moment  I hope you call TIME!  Could it be my season is up and I can finally meet the person(s) who is going to help mentor me, train me, and guide me? That is all I’ve ever wanted Lord the right people to show me what to do. No matter how people treat me, what they say about me, how they look at me, it will never change what you’ve preordained for my life. I’m looking forward to my future.
Yesterday was more evidence that I never know who I’m going to meet and why I met them. In the past couple days I’ve met a Celebrity Stylist, a State Representative, a County Commissioner, a U.S. State’s Attorney, and a professional football player. What impressed me the most about each of these people upon meeting them was the absence of their public persona and their business “cards.” The first 6 days of my future have all been memorable. What I don’t put online is definitely being written by hand. I’m trying not to miss what may look like the “small” things. So I’m careful to take note of a stranger’s smile, a gentle wind, or a kind gesture. They are all reminders that YOU are near. I got about 3 glucose testing machines lying around the house but I don’t need them because ALL IS WELL!
Amazed by your grace!

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