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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Journal Entry 11 November 2009


Lord thank you for another peaceful day. Today is Veteran’s Day! I remember the sacrifices of all those who served and are serving in our Armed Forces! I say THANK YOU! I called my best friend today and boy we reminisced, the phone call that fateful night that changed my life forever, and all the friends who lost their lives in sacrifice to this country. We talked about our time spent stationed in North Carolina and how we were so reckless. Ha! Ha! Ha! What a load of crap unawareness of a invisible enemy is! Lord you loved me even then and I didn’t have a clue. It was YOU I was rummaging around for the entire time. Many times you tirelessly guided me to do this, go there, or simply STOP! You’ve always been right here. All those mistakes I’ve made in my life were not in vain. You are going to use them to facilitate the deliverance for someone else. WOW the term “mess to miracle” takes on a whole new meaning! Lately all I’ve been doing is confessing sin, repenting sin, and receiving forgiveness for sin. Daddy I got to tell you, this whole refining process is a real mutha for ya! I get it though you are removing all the impurities so I can really come through as pure gold. Again one has to appreciate the patience and competence of the enemy. He waits and waits and BAM strikes with a “remixed” version of the SAME attack. There are days Lord when the attacks are so frequent I feel like I’m in a batting cage. The Word works and I’ve been working it like a 9 to 5! I’ve been using the Word like an instant stain remover. I’m at a crucial point in my walk and I can’t allow my spirit to get dirty by anything contrary to what you’ve said. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I’m still just so appreciative that I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t feel like I’m bothering you. Do you see what being human has done to my psyche? I’ve felt like I’ve bothered you because that is how I’ve been conditioned. I’ve tried to “go it” alone. Now that I’ve given you complete access, I want to rid my shoulders of the extra weight. I’m tired Lord, just so tired. My shoulders hurt because I’ve tried to carry too much, things I was never supposed too. I want YOU to take care of me now! I want to go to sleep knowing I don’t have to worry about bills, aging, car repairs, having enough to eat….the list could go on. I want to REST it’s a declaration as well as an appeal! I’ve wanted to tell YOU this for some time that I’m not used to someone willfully keeping their word where I’m concerned. You are letting me “get used” to your omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience.

It’s comforting how you take your time with me.  Last night at bible study YOU confirmed again that you HEAR me. The message was substantive and filling. I took 8 pages of notes. As I recopy them it’s like a soothing compress over a gaping wound. I’m HOPING for so many thingsLord!  The man of God was right on, the time between the “promise” and the “manifestation” is usually the time we faint. The first time I knew that I’d heard your voice. I wrote down the time and every word you said BUT I’ve been guilty of trying to remind YOU of what YOU told me. I bet you really get a kick out of the audacity of my humanity.  I even thought I should help you out because I thought YOU were taking entirely TOO long. Lord please forgive me, this was before I was taught you don’t exist in time chronologically. I’ve been careful now to ask only for my “daily” bread. It’s fair since you’re a RIGHT NOW GOD! Since you seem to enjoy being at the wheel, I’m going to sleep while we ride my life out together. Lord did you notice that when I got that “news” last Saturday, I didn’t panic? I knew immediately who “it” was from. I instantly gave “IT” to you and started speaking what you’ve hidden in me, the WORD. I saw the sun the very next day and I felt in that moment, that you were hugging me and letting me know the answer was forthcoming. Until the manifestation, I’ll do what I’ve been doing reading the bible again and again from cover to cover. I’ve already made it back to Psalms 74! I know that I am right on the verge of GREATNESS. I remain STEADFAST!
Amazed by your grace!

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